I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize