Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
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I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
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I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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