I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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