is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize