In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize