I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize