I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
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Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
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Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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