do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
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rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My feet surprised me
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