That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Who wears a wallet chain?!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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