How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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