Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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