Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize