I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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