Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize