You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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