My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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