Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just tell him i said nine months
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
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girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
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When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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