I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
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So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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