i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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