I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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