He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
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I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
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So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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