I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
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He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
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I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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