So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize