he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
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Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
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