remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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