Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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