I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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