Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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