Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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