I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
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I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
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I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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