He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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