What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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