hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize