I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
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She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
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i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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