Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
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I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
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See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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