if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
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I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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