girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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