Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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