remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize