I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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