Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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