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come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
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