We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize