god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize