i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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