Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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