Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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