so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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