so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize