did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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